For the few months he was acting strange and I was in turmoil I really tried to turn our marriage around. I would be amicable, try and be upbeat, try not to get upset etc. While he treated me like crap.
Then I read the messages. I felt so very sick. I froze and panicked. Took screen shots. Confronted immediately. Then took a break.
I returned and said make a decision.
The pain, turmoil, upset, anxiety that I had felt for months went. I now understood what was happening. That it had nothing to do with me. That I was still me.
Since then my opinion of him has diminished. I’m glad I fought for my family for the months prior to knowing. Did I do the pick me dance? Yes certainly before I knew he was a cheat. But I’m fine with that. I did my best with the knowledge I had. Im at peace with the way I was prior to d day. And I think I did well on d day. I fell apart afterwards. But that shows I had the capacity to love as much as I did.
I’ve managed to frame things positively.
Now I no longer think he’s cool and sexy like I used to. I think he is happy to lie. I struggle to frame him positively. But on the run up to d day I thought I was a terrible person who had made my husband hate me. But really he was a scummy liar and wow that revelation did me the world of good.
I realised recently had he left quickly and hidden the online EA I think I would have struggled and blamed myself forever.
You can’t go over it, you can’t go under it, you have got to go through it. Michael Rosen was talking about Bear Hunts but it’s relevant to cheating toads too.
